If you could see me...

If you could see me now...

Would you take back the words you mentioned so long ago...
The words that wanted me to follow in your footsteps.
The footsteps that were the imprint of the feet I climbed to dance.

If you could hear me now...

Would you hear the "I love you" I rehearsed as a child...
The "I love you" that innocently bid you good night.
The good night that one day woke to a cold, gray morning.

If you could touch me now...

Would you put your arms around me as you bandaged my knee...
The knees that once crawled along the lava floor.
The floor that I collapsed on drowning in an illusion of you.

If you could tell me now...

Would you say I made you proud chasing my own dreams...
The dreams you ignored in hopes I'd be more like you.
The "you" that you wanted me to see... the only "you" I knew.

If you could see me now...

If only you would see me now...

Has anyone ever sacrificed something for you?

First, I wanted to wish a Happy Mother's Day to all my friends who are blessed to have the joy of motherhood. Being a mother is a gift that I can only imagine reaps rewards every single day.

Proverbs 31:25-29

"Strength and dignity are her clothing and her position is strong and secure; she rejoices over the future [the latter day or time to come, knowing that she and her family are in readiness for it]! She opens her mouth in skillful and godly Wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness [giving counsel and instruction]... Her children rise up and call her blessed (happy, fortunate, and to be envied); and her husband boasts of and praises her..."

As I sat in service with my mom this morning... they played a video that asked the question "Has anyone ever sacrificed anything for you?" The overwhelming response was... "my mother". It struck me as truth immediately, and I then began to ponder... what has she sacrificed for me?

If you've ever had the opportunity to meet my mother... you instantly fall in love with her kind, heartfelt demeanor. She could be misconstrued as meek and mild by sheer size... but she is actually one of the strongest people I know.

Four year's ago I was at my parent's house for Mother's day and my mom asked me, "Do you ever wonder why I stayed with your father?" The question shocked me not from the magnitude of it… but because I had actually asked myself this question time and time again growing up in a household full of turmoil, anger, and dysfunction. She went on to tell me… "There were so many times that I was ready to give up… I was tired of hurting… tired of fighting… tired of trying. But in the end, I wanted you to see that no matter what, all things can be worked through. The decision made between two people to share their lives together is a lifetime commitment… and I did not want you to become a part of a cycle of broken households. I wanted you to experience for yourself that with strength and trust in God, you can get through all things."

As she went on to explain in more detail, I couldn't help but break down and cry. All the years I watched my mother go through her struggles, tears, and pain… it was all for me. So that I would grow up to understand the sanctity of marriage and the work and effort it takes to get to a place of understanding and peace.

I have mixed feelings telling this story as I'm sure there are those reading it that do as well. When does compromising in a relationship become compromising yourself? All the years my mother fought to keep our family together were years upon years of sacrificing her own happiness and needs. The love she had for me, my brother, and father at times outweighed the love she had for her own self. Her first instinct was to protect us… whether it was in the present moment, or later on in our lives when we would also have to make the commitment to share our lives with someone else.

After 32 years of marriage, my parents have fortunately found their place of love, appreciation, and understanding… but it was no smooth journey. Many times they veered off into a tangled web of self destruction… but without fail… they were eventually able to look beyond the pain and find themselves moving forward to a place of forgiveness and love.

I've always aspired to have the strength, patience, trust, faith and endurance that my mother has… but I never really looked at my parents as a model couple until today. Just by meeting them, you see that they are quite the opposites… but in the end, they have found a common love that has joined them together in devotion and perseverance.

Where I struggle is again… when does compromising in a relationship become compromising yourself? Where is the balance of being selfish and taking care of your own individual needs vs. having a spirit of giving that is an act of service, love and affection for another?

Today we sat at lunch and talked along related lines and she reminded me… that putting my trust in God and letting go of any situation will always bring the right result. I just have to trust that God has a plan for me and remember that through Him, I can get through all things. It's a work in progress… ;)