The imperfect me...

Mark 4:31 - "[The kingdom of heaven] is like a mustard seed, which is the smallest seed you plant in the ground. Yet when planted, it grows and becomes the largest of all garden plants, with such big branches that the birds of the air can perch in its shade."

John 12:23 - "The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified. I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds."

Over the last several months, I found myself a bit lost yet again... It still surprises me when I recognize how easy it is to be so on fire one moment, and to slowly but surely let the fire dim to a mere flame.

This last year has been quite an experience with many moments of laughter, love, and joy... and others of pain, tears, and heartache. It was the first time I can consciously say I prayed to Him and said, "OK God... I'm all yours. Take the reigns. I'm too exhausted and weak to continue to try to find peace on my own." In the past, it was always "God, I'll get back to you if what I think I need doesn't work... I gotta feel like I have some control here so that I can also try to control the outcome. No hard feelings. But stay right there just in case... because if I fall flat on my face and scrape my knees yet again, I'll be sure to pray about it and then I MIGHT finally trust that You know what I need better than I could ever."

And isn't it a beautiful thing... that no matter how many times we forget to lean on Him... forget to call on Him... forget to trust in Him... forget to talk to Him... forget to show our love for Him. Even then, when we call, He always answers and He always comes to our rescue...

[Thank you God for never deserting me... for granting me forgiveness when I don't deserve it and knowing that I will fail yet again. Thank you for presenting yourself over and over again giving me infinite chances to come home sheltered in Your grace.]

Today in church the message was about "dying" every day... Dying to self in order to grow in God's righteousness.

[God, give me the strength and conviction to die daily. To choose You in everything that I do. To be an example and a beacon of light to others around me. Thank You for promising that all I need is faith the size of a mustard seed... that even if I lose focus and the fire within me lessens to a flame or that of a spark, You have promised that even then my faith makes nothing impossible for me.]

Thank you to all of you that have been an encouragement to me over the last year. God has brought so many new friendships into my life that share my faith and for that I am blessed. I pray that I have also been the same for all of you.

I love you Lord... thank you for loving the imperfect me.